Should I Try Internet Dating?
Dear Meg,
Lately I’ve been slammed with a bunch of solicitations for Internet dating
sites. One of my friends thinks this is a tool that is “leveling the
playing field” between women and men in finding a good companion. I’ve
never been especially lucky in my romantic relationships and am rather cautious.
What would you advise about this or the possibility of placing a personal ad
in a local paper?
—Samantha
My Dear Samantha,
Whew. I wonder if you need to check the spam filter on your email. Actually,
I think I may need to check mine because I’ve been receiving the same
barrage of advertisements. I’ve heard of a few cases where people have
met one another and happily mated over the Internet or through classified
ads, but these cases tend to be the exception rather than the rule. Have
you checked back with your friend and asked how he or she fared?
Twenty years ago I answered a personal ad in the City Paper when I was living
in Baltimore. I was lonely and clinging to the belief that a man would be
a quick fix to the myriad of problems I was facing at the time.
Anyway, this guy sounded wonderful on paper and was very charming on the
phone. We made a date to meet at one of my favorite East Indian restaurants
in Federal Hill. When his food arrived, he gathered up every dish on his
plate and mashed them all together into a big pile of googoo. Do you remember
the Seinfeld episode on gay issues where the cast were all saying, “Not
that there’s anything wrong with that!” about their queer friends?
Well, it’s sort of the same thing here. This man’s table manners
might have been a-okay to another woman, they just were unacceptable to me.
You stated in your question that you are cautious. That’s a good instinct
to listen to as long as you don’t let your fears overwhelm you or prevent
you from taking a risk every once and awhile. Ask yourself what your expectations
are—you might consider the concept of looking for friendship first.
It’s a tired old tale, but remember the tortoise and the hare? The
tortoise was no doubt the long shot, but the slow, lumbering ol’ guy
with the short little legs did win that race. Have fun whatever you decide
to do.
Love, Meg
My Boss Has A Sharp Tongue
Dear Meg,
My 83-year-old boss says things to me that are pretty offensive. Yesterday,
she told me if I dressed better I would be married by now. I’m 32 years
old, and if I wanted to be married, I’d be married. All I do for her
is run errands and keep her house in order. How can I kindly suggest that
she keep these opinions to herself?
— Charlie
My Dear Charlie,
I’m guessing the two of you never agreed on a dress code? I know it’s
hard to tolerate the values, social norms, and expectations of people
who grew up in a diiferent time and culture. The comments of your employer
are probably only meant to be helpful, but she is delivering these zingers
with no prompting from you, and this is outside the parameters of your relationship.
You need to ask to meet with her at a specific time to discuss this
problem. I suspect she values your work highly or she would not be
concerned with your personal life in the least. Tell her how it makes you
feel when she says these things and ask her if she might consider a little
restraint of tongue in the future. Ask if your wardrobe has become a concern
to her as it pertains to your work only.
You already know how to do this, Charlie. You employed the patience necessary
by writing to me before flying off the handle. I think you and your boss are
learning quite a bit from one another, and it’s going to turn out fine.
Love, Meg
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