Cooking for the Vegan GuestDear Meg,
My friend Tom has a new girlfriend who’s a hardcore vegan. Tom used tocome over for dinner often, but now I’m afraid to invite him with hisgirlie because I’m not a big vegan chef or anything. Do I have to cooka special vegan meal for her in order to invite him/them over? I miss seeingTom and would like to get to know his new flame. Help?
—Laurel My Dear Laurel,
Help? Sure thing, just as long as I don’t get stuck doing the dishes(smile). This is not an uncommon predicament these days with so manypeople on special diets. Having a few friends over for dinner and comingup with a menu that will satisfy everyone can feel so overwhelming that alot of folks decide to skip the whole shebang and just go out to a nice restaurant. My advice is to go ahead and prepare whatever meal you might normally whipup for an evening with Tom, making sure you have some kind of whole grainand steamed or sautéed veggies to serve. Most vegans are more thanhappy to be accommodated in this fashion. Heck, they’re often thrillednot to be desperately searching through someone’s cupboards for saltines,canned corn, or an old jar of pimentos. If you choose the grain and veggieroute, you are being considerate without going overboard and taxing yourselfneedlessly. Hey, Laurel, one more thing. Last Thanksgiving, Dave Burt, one of the ownersof Iowa City’s all-organic vegetarian restaurant, the Red Avocado,made a point in an interview that I quite liked. He noted that some vegetariansand vegans are well-mannered enough that when dining at another’s home,they eat a little of everything—meat, dairy, or whatever—becausenot to do so would be an insult to the host or hostess. Nice point on thedangers of being overly rigid about anything and acknowledging that courtesyis a two-way street. I can’t wait to hear how the dinner goes and what you think aboutTom’s new “girlie.” Thanks for writing.
Love, Meg Stumped by New ReligionDear Meg,
I’ve been married for seven years and my wife just joined one of thosehyper-strict evangelical fundamentalist churches. All of a sudden she has gottenreally preachy on me, and expects me to go with her to church and stop hangingout with my buddies from work. I think her church is just weird. They playwith snakes, speak in tongues, and do all kinds of stuff that kind of freaksme out. To top it off, I’m desperately afraid of snakes. Plus, I’ma Jew. I love my wife but I’m stumped. What should I do? —Abe My Dear Abe, Hey, it takes a mighty big man to admit a fear of snakes. I’mimpressed. Your wife’s new church sounds fascinating to me, but I’venever found snakes all that terrifying. Now millipedes, on the otherhand—thoselittle buggers will send me running to the bathroom and crying likea baby for my mother everytime. Any chance you could attend church with your beloved and view the journeyas a kind of sociological experiment, or an experience of what philosopherWilliam James referred to as the “educational variety”? You neverknow what you might find there and it would be good manners to humor yourwife a bit.
It’s difficult when someone we care about gets all caught up in somethingwe find kooky, but it is wrong of her to expect you to stop hanging out withyour old friends and adjust to her new beliefs and standards. That’sthe problem with evangelicalism in any arena. It’s fundamentally rudeto attempt to force anyone to change their behavior unwillingly. I’llbe cc-ing this reply to the White House, by the way. There are many happy couples in the world who practice different faithsor where one is a believer and one is not. The bottom line is respect andacceptance, Abe. Love and tolerance ought to be the code of any decent faith-basedorganization. Feel free to quote me on that.
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