Living with Integrity by Peggy Hammes INTEGRITY, AS WEBSTER defines it, is the state of being entirelywhole. The most basic measure of integrity has to do with keeping one’sword. When we say one thing and do another, say things that we don’treally mean, or consistently break our word, we profoundly diminish our capacityto create the lives that we are hoping to create. One of the main reasons we don’t keep our word is that, on some level,we don’t want to be responsible for how powerful and capable we reallyare. Many of us believe—somewhere inside of us—that when we areweak and impotent, we are not responsible for our lives. We are relieved tobe off the hook. We use being human as a weakness and an excuse to avoid responsibility. A lack of integrity does not imply that one is a “bad” person.A lack of integrity simply suggests that one is an inconsistent person—andan inconsistent person is a disempowered person. Whenever there is a contradictionwithin the self—a lack of wholeness and congruence—there is fragmentationand its resulting feeling is a sense of angst. When this happens, all sortsof symptoms appear that one might not, at first glance, necessarily attributeto a lack of personal integrity—i.e., suffering from terrible anxietyand depression. When you are not taking actions that you feel you need to needto be taking, or when you are taking actions that are in conflict with yourvalues, there is often a tremendous drain on your sense of wholeness and well-being,and you don’t feel right. When we lie to ourselves, we sever ourselves from the source of our power—ourown inner truth. We become fragmented and discordant within. We feel “lost.” We’velost the congruence of ourselves from which to operate. This inharmonious relationshipwith the self is a breeding ground for addictions and all sorts of destructive,self-sabotaging behavior. That’s why the restoration of personal integritytops the list of things we must refurbish in order to prepare the way for aloving relationship to enter our lives. We want to form relationships that build upon our strengths and enhance ourassets. We want unions formed upon strong foundations of respect and reliabilitythat can withstand the true challenges of life that might come our way. Thatgoal begins, again, with the self—by building inner congruencies thatenable you to stand solidly within yourself no matter what disappointmentsyou may face.
Peggy Hammes, M.S., is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Imago RelationshipTherapist, and Teacher of Wisdom.
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