Exposing Hidden Commitments by Peggy Hammes How many times have we made resolutions, promises, or plansto change something—only to have it snap back in our faces like a boomerang?Often our initial vow is well intended. It just gets re-designed somewherealong the way, often leaving us feeling frustrated and believing that we haveno will power in the face of adversity. The truth is, what is sabotaging us is often a hidden commitment. Most ofus don’t even know that we have commitments other than the ones we aretrying to manifest. This is because they’re unconscious. They are ourfirst commitments, and until we become aware of them and bring them into consciousness,they will override all other desires. Our underlying commitments drive our thoughts, our beliefs, and our choicesevery day. They are the discrepancy between what we say we want and what weare actually experiencing. For example, you might have an underlying commitmentto stay safe. Even when you long for a career change, a new location, or adifferent relationship, if your choices stay consistent with your underlyingcommitment to safety, you won’t be able to manifest your longing. Perhapsyou believe you can’t trust anyone and therefore it is easier to be alone.Even though you want love and intimacy in your life, you will consistentlyfind reasons to end the relationship because your first commitment is to staysafe by yourself. Each time we set forth a new vision and find ourselves struggling to attainsuccess, we need to look for the underlying commitment that has taken control.Here’s an example. Recently, I committed to pulling myself out of debtand re-establishing financial security. This decision came after many monthsof running back and forth to Iowa to take care of my elderly parents and neglectingmy own financial situation. What I discovered is that I continued to spendthe same amount of money as when I was working full time, so that my expendituresquickly exceeded my income. As I continued to delve into my dilemma, I uncovereda much deeper commitment to myself. I had vowed to spend my money whereverand whenever I wanted to, in order to compensate for the extra care I was givingto others and the lack of care I was giving myself. Without even thinking,I would veer off course and spend money instead of paying off debt. Having brought my underlying commitment into conscious awareness, I now couldmake a choice. I could either ask myself in what other ways I could care formyself—or I could go for the quick fix. One choice would lead me in thedirection of my deepest desire and the other would lead me only farther away. This is the war, the internal struggle that goes on between our unconsciouscommitments and our soul’s desires. Our soul longs for all the thingsthat will bring us joy and fulfillment, while our unconscious underlying commitmentsstrive to be expressed and validated. Our first commitments are powerful, drivingus to repeat self-sabotaging behaviors over and over again. If they remainunhidden, they will continue to rule our choices, leaving us to experiencethe struggle that goes along with saying we want one thing while continuingto do another.
Peggy Hammes, M.S., is a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Imago RelationshipTherapist, and Teacher of Wisdom.
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