Dan Coffey's "Best of 2011" List
Featuring the Best of the Worst
by Dan Coffey
Being habitually negative, I don't naturally gravitate toward “best of” lists. But then I thought, what about the Best of the Worst, can’t I come up with a few of them? Shouldn’t they be ranked according to power and efficacy? Now that we’ve all survived another holiday season, I’d like to reference that fact in my list, as well.
THE BEST OF THE WORST POPULAR CULTURE HAS TO OFFER
- Anything that purports to teach or celebrate “The real meaning of Christmas.”
- Any movie starring or produced by Adam Sandler.
- Shops that smell like potpourri.
- Mulled wine.
- Wrapping paper, and its spawn, fanciful or cute decorations.
- Devices which purport to eliminate the need for real exercise by substituting the use of this device “while watching TV.”
- The reaction “Aww” in the laugh track of a situation comedy, meant to indicate a touching moment has just occurred (first used by TV producer Norman Lear in the seventies).
- Network Marketing.
- Vitamins.
- Flavored popcorn, flavored coffee, Febreze, and all its related scents.
This is just my list, and I don’t purport to force it on anyone else, but if I woke up one morning and all of the things on it had suddenly vanished from the earth, I think I’d notice. I would somehow become like George Bailey in the movie It’s A Wonderful Life when he realizes that the world his guardian angel showed him was only an alternative universe. “I’m going to jail, isn’t that wonderful!” he cries. That’s how happy he was, and that’s how happy I’d be.
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