There’s a war going on about the use of screen time for young children. On one hand, we have child advocates who are armed with reams of research data showing the negative effects on children’s development from early exposure to screen time. Research consistently shows that screen time can negatively impact the development of the young child’s brain, their behavior, and their sense of well-being, as well as leading to a whole host of concerns, including lower academic performance, sleep disturbances, obesity, and increased mental issues such as attention problems, aggression, anxiety, and depression.
Studies also show similar negative effects when parent-child interactions get repeatedly interrupted by parental texting, phone calls, or picture taking. Children experience these interruptions as abandonment or betrayal, and when these behaviors are repeated often enough, they can lead to what’s called “accumulative betrayal,” which in turn, can lead to deep trauma. The side effects can be as damaging as serious parental neglect.
On the other hand, we have a culture driven by the allure of convenience, being fed by a multi-billion dollar industry. Trade associations like NetChoice, representing such companies as Meta, Google, and Amazon, are actively involved in legal battles and lobbying efforts opposing laws that aim to protect children from social media addiction or to limit screen time. These efforts include advocating false and misleading narratives in support of screen time for young children. The result is that a significant percentage (68 percent) of children under age three are using screen media daily.
Studies also indicate that while parents report concerns about screen time, screens continue to be a significant part of children’s lives. According to Common Sense Media, 40 percent of children in the U.S. have a tablet by age two, and many children are introduced to screens before their first birthday. These are staggering statistics!
A Childhood Outdoors
When I was a single father raising my son in the late 1970s, there was no TV in our house, nor the desire for one. We lived in a rural community in Topanga Canyon, California, where my son spent his summers roaming the neighborhood with his friends, building forts, climbing trees, discovering the laws of nature firsthand. He was always lit up and on the go, teeming with creative juice. I was amazed by the things he and his friends would come up with morning till night, enthusiastically playing to their heart’s content. They were warriors exploring the world of make-believe to the max—running, jumping, climbing, and digging. It was relatively easy for me, as a single father, to juggle two jobs and raise him without relying on screens, allowing him to grow into a kind, intelligent, well-rounded, and phenomenally bighearted man and father.
Smartphones Changed Everything
In 2003, my wife Eniko and I founded Singing Cedars School, a Waldorf-inspired early childhood school in rural Iowa. In those days, technology was not that big a deal. It wasn’t until the mid-2010s, when smartphones became increasingly integrated into social media platforms, that we started seeing substantial changes in children’s behavior, including the first obvious signs of ADHD.
Humanity’s addiction to technology has been a gradual process, and with it, teachers all over the world have been reporting an increase in aggression, lack of focus, and disrespect in the classroom. It has become more difficult for early childhood teachers to model calmness when so much of their energy is being called to prevent and police disruptive behavior.
Screen-Free Families
As a civilization, where do we go from here? What are the options for conscientious parenting?
There is a term called screen-free family. It doesn’t mean eliminating screens in the house. Rather, it refers to a household that intentionally limits or eliminates screen time—including TV, computers, tablets, phones, and video games—for all members. The goal is to foster healthier relationships, encourage outdoor activities, and cultivate creativity and self-sufficiency.
Many families struggle with their exhausting, overstimulated children having so-called “big emotions” that run the show. Those who have made the decision to become screen free have reported calmer waters, practically overnight.
One single mom we know was raising two kids. She let them start watching TV at age one-and-a-half, since she’d been raised on TV and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. She allowed her children to watch a lot of TV, needing that time to prepare dinner, clean the house, and accomplish other tasks on her to-do list. One day, when the kids were 5 and 3, their TV stopped working. After a few days, the mom started noticing a change in her kids and decided to continue with screen-free living even after their TV was fixed. After a week, she called the change in her kids’ behavior “astounding.” Before, they would constantly bicker and fight with each other. She felt her role had become playing referee. After going screen-free, the kids started playing in a more friendly way with each other. “My daughter started picking up her entire playroom every night before bed,” she said. “Before, it was like pulling teeth.” They became more polite, considerate, and self-sufficient. She can now leave them to play while she cooks or cleans the house and they happily entertain themselves. “They just seem calmer, and I’m calmer as well,” she said. “And oddly, I actually have more time as a single mom to get done what I need to get done. I also have way less mom guilt, because I know screen time is not good for them. If I could have a do-over, I would not introduce TV in the first place.”
Another family we know from the school, who hadn’t heard of the damaging effects of screen time, had been allowing “age appropriate” content for their three-year-old. As soon as they realized the negative effects of screen use, they unplugged cold turkey. Two weeks later, they reported that they got their sweet child back. Today, many years later, they are a thriving screen-free family of six.
When asked to explain the secret to their success, their answer is complex. For this family, it wasn’t just taking screens away. It was about committing to going screen free as well as establishing clear rules and boundaries, substituting screen time with meaningful activities, and creating routines around family meals, outdoor play, and reading time. They stressed the importance of making adjustments, as what is age-appropriate changes over time. Equally important, the parents themselves committed to not texting or taking phone calls to interrupt their family time together. They also made a point of sending their children to Waldorf schools, where families are required to be screen-free.
What Lies Ahead?
Because the stakes for our children are so high, we all need to engage in an on-going conversation on how to best bring up healthy children, and what changes are necessary if they are to grow into healthy adults. As adults, we need to be aware of the encroachment of screens on our lives and work to protect and preserve childhood, one child at a time.